dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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