No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
