I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize