Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
