yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well you can't waste a boner
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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