wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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