I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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