U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
