we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
