I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
