i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
