shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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