i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
