i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
