Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
