do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
