ya dads aren't the best wingmen
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
