I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
