We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize