singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
