I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need help removing her.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
