Whod you bang
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
