Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
