I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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