well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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