i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
