If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
