Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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