There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
