At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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