So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
