i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
