I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
