i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
