is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
