i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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