Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
