Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
