Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
