I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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