We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We have started to decorate penises.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
