if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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