shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
