I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
