Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
