I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
