Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When did angry sex become our thing?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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