nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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