Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't think brook has ever known best
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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