dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
