Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
