I'm so fucking centered right now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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