I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
