She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
