He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
