Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
