DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
