I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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