this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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