I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
