Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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