Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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