Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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