i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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