Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
