meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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