her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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