The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
