I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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